The Center Of Life

I have been avoiding one part of this story for weeks, even to the point of recalling Whale Dreams rather than facing it head on. What exactly did I see, experience, that has had such a profound effect on my life? It was the simplest of sights which makes it all the more difficult to describe. I must try! Laying on the ground staring at this star, I became aware of patterns appearing before me but they were extremely subtle and there were many of them that were over lapping. This scarred me at first. I thought the acid was sneaking up on me and I was suddenly going to enter La La Land. Next would be monsters or butterflies. My concentration was broken and the patterns disappeared. I liked what I had seen and now made a conscious effort to relax, meditate and try and see them again. Again nothing. Now I began to draw my self into a true state of meditation, I stopped looking for anything and let the acid take me where it would. Suddenly the patterns I had seen before returned with a clarity and beauty that not only took my breath away but stopped my breathing entirely. I laid there for a long time, my breath began again all on its own at some point. By now I had entered the deepest meditative state I had ever known. I was now part of this beam of light. It was actually not until the second time that I came out and looked at this star that I was able to actually look at what I was seeing. The first I only felt it. The second time I looked at this star I observed a shaft of light that started at this star, travelled a long long ways and as it got closer to me, it looked wider just as a long straight roadway looks bigger as your eye follows it closer to yourself. The difference here was that My perspective of this beam was enormous. I could see this beam all the way from my eye to this star as a three dimensional thing. I was in the middle of a shaft that was about six feet across. It was hollow and made of three sets of very very thin lines, somewhat like a spider web. If I moved my eye even the slightest, I what see that this shaft was only one of millions of shafts, each a separate being. If I moved, these shafts became indistinct and quickly disappeared. I was finally learning to slowly shift my gaze so that I could distinguish separate parts of this shaft. The lines where illuminated somewhat like a drop of dew would travel down a string on a spider web. A pulse travelled down the string and as it did it went through the colors of the rainbow over and over. Once the pulse pasted by, the string remained as a kind of ghost, barely visible. These pulses travelled through all of the lines or stings. As I focused on the shaft beside me,I saw a set of boxes formed by the radiating lines and the horizontal circles and a diagonal line going from bottom left corner to top right corner of each box. The proportion of the boxes where the same as artist use ( golden mean, I believe ).This description is inadequate but the best I can do. I have tried to draw and sculpt it many times, I burnt the sculptures. The reason that all descriptions are inadequate are because the true form of this vision was felt rather then seen. I have spent enough time trying to research this that my wife suspects it to be an obsession. It is. What I have learned is that this was a beam of light, this is how light travels. What I know is that this light is life, this is how we know it.