EPIPHANY

I had an Epiphany. It changed my life. It is a fact that this was a drug enhanced experience, it is a fact that this none the less happened to me. I do not claim that this was an experience that only I have had, actually it is just the opposite. This is a very common experience, one that is shared by millions of people everywhere all the time, although it usually occurs for others on a daily basis while praying or meditating, usually with the aid of an organized religion. I do not claim that my experience was special or with a higher meaning or calling, only that it occurred. It has given me absolutely no new knowledge or insights. It has given me the desire to seek higher truths. It has given me the glimmer of a peace, a beauty that I did not know existed. This experience has forced me to look inside my soul, to reevaluate all of my preconceived ideals and standards. No longer can I assume that the world is limited to only what I see before me. I must look for the truth in all aspects of my life and in the entire universe, what is usually called the "The Theory of Everything". It can be an over whelming task. So far I have discovered that light travels in a three part beam, that I know nothing else for sure. This may sound somewhat cynical but you must admit, it is a cynical world us humans live in. I have at times thought that with the insights I have experienced that I could figure out how energy travels, how life forms, how emotions drive humans, how..... the list goes on for a long while. I have in fact got a lot of good ideas about how such things as color, what is the true nature of color? Some of my ideas are in fact proven out by physist. They do a better job of expressing their ideas, I do a better job of feeling the answer. One of the truths that I have come to realize is the answers that so many scientist seek must be felt as much as proven. The answers are wrwped in a sphere of spirtuality that can not be denied. There exist in this universe a force that we can experience but not show on paper, computer, film or shadow puppets. I am sure this force has something to due with all the matter that astrophysist are missing. I am also sure that as astrophysist narrow down the nature of the missing matter they will find that the more they find out, the less they know. The answers they seek will never be quantified in numbers or absolute theories. This I know because light travels in such a way that although it follows the rules of physics as we know them, it also does things that will never be explained by a "Theory of Everything". As light travels, it creates. This is impossible under the rules of basic physics, and yet it seems to create form on an infinte level. Not only does this energy travel but it creates concentric circles of form, one after another after another. The missing matter I spoke of before is part of the answer to this riddle but not the entire answer. Life is part of the answer. The absolute ability to create something from nothing, life.

The Center Of Life

I have been avoiding one part of this story for weeks, even to the point of recalling Whale Dreams rather than facing it head on. What exactly did I see, experience, that has had such a profound effect on my life? It was the simplest of sights which makes it all the more difficult to describe. I must try! Laying on the ground staring at this star, I became aware of patterns appearing before me but they were extremely subtle and there were many of them that were over lapping. This scarred me at first. I thought the acid was sneaking up on me and I was suddenly going to enter La La Land. Next would be monsters or butterflies. My concentration was broken and the patterns disappeared. I liked what I had seen and now made a conscious effort to relax, meditate and try and see them again. Again nothing. Now I began to draw my self into a true state of meditation, I stopped looking for anything and let the acid take me where it would. Suddenly the patterns I had seen before returned with a clarity and beauty that not only took my breath away but stopped my breathing entirely. I laid there for a long time, my breath began again all on its own at some point. By now I had entered the deepest meditative state I had ever known. I was now part of this beam of light. It was actually not until the second time that I came out and looked at this star that I was able to actually look at what I was seeing. The first I only felt it. The second time I looked at this star I observed a shaft of light that started at this star, travelled a long long ways and as it got closer to me, it looked wider just as a long straight roadway looks bigger as your eye follows it closer to yourself. The difference here was that My perspective of this beam was enormous. I could see this beam all the way from my eye to this star as a three dimensional thing. I was in the middle of a shaft that was about six feet across. It was hollow and made of three sets of very very thin lines, somewhat like a spider web. If I moved my eye even the slightest, I what see that this shaft was only one of millions of shafts, each a separate being. If I moved, these shafts became indistinct and quickly disappeared. I was finally learning to slowly shift my gaze so that I could distinguish separate parts of this shaft. The lines where illuminated somewhat like a drop of dew would travel down a string on a spider web. A pulse travelled down the string and as it did it went through the colors of the rainbow over and over. Once the pulse pasted by, the string remained as a kind of ghost, barely visible. These pulses travelled through all of the lines or stings. As I focused on the shaft beside me,I saw a set of boxes formed by the radiating lines and the horizontal circles and a diagonal line going from bottom left corner to top right corner of each box. The proportion of the boxes where the same as artist use ( golden mean, I believe ).This description is inadequate but the best I can do. I have tried to draw and sculpt it many times, I burnt the sculptures. The reason that all descriptions are inadequate are because the true form of this vision was felt rather then seen. I have spent enough time trying to research this that my wife suspects it to be an obsession. It is. What I have learned is that this was a beam of light, this is how light travels. What I know is that this light is life, this is how we know it.